How do you know you’re a San Francisco Hipster?

22Feb09


So how do you know you’re a San Francisco Hipster?

First and foremost, you have to be incredibly lazy and disinterested in everything, even things that excite you. The moment you show interest in something, it’s suddenly uncool. This goes hand in hand with not having a job and living off your parent’s credit cards and/or rent checks, which you’re supposed to use on your apartment in the Mission, but sharing it with your friends allows you to pocket some dough. But if you need a job, despite your disdain for the man, you can be found making organic fair trade coffee, working for a non-profit, or folding vintage t-shirts at a thift store.


Vintage t-shirts are crucial, but they can’t be just any vintage t-shirt from Hot Topic. It must come from the bottom of a thrift shop bin, be worn so thin that you can see your nipples through it, and have an ironic slogan such ass “Free tickets to the muscle show” or “Made from 100% American beef.” Pair it with jeans so skinny that your little sister can’t fit in, wear some vintage 80’s glasses, and finish it off with random accessories like chains, scarves, hats, and the like.


When you’re not busy listening to music that used to be cool but isn’t anymore but now is and won’t be by the next time you go crate digging, you’re probably getting drunk off PBR and doing real drugs because weed is so 90’s. When it’s time to eat, you hop onto your neon fixed gear bike and look for the cheapest vegetarian cafe and go there to just stand outside to smoke cigarettes. After smoking and not eating, you and your posse park your bikes in front of Ritual Coffee Roasters in the Mission, and hang out there writing in your Moleskine notebook and discuss things that are “post-modern.”


Before going out to a Hipster parties like Blow Up at Rickshaw Stop, you take planned spontaneous photos of yourself in multiple angles to post on your public MySpace profile.


You hate it when people call you a Hipster.

Photo Source

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How do you know you’re a San Francisco Hipster?

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66 Responses to “How do you know you’re a San Francisco Hipster?”

  1. 1 Joshua

    This is great. I just went to a live show and was surrounded by SF Hipsters…I was the only one dancing.

  2. Pics 2, 3, & 4 would indicate something more homosexual than hipster. Although you can be both, let’s clarify. NOthing against either group… just sayin’

    On a related note… can everybody just enjoy sweaty, dirty rock n’ roll and stop the spread of all of these electronic bands. Please. That’s the real scene cancer right there.

    PS. I realize that this post is a million months late, but fuck you pal… the internets are forever.

  3. 4 popopo

    I don’t know how much hipsters think about “the man” necessarily. It’d kind of up the game on their part and maybe be more respectable, but I have yet to really see it. I sort of see more consumerism in hipsterdom – they’re perfectly integrated into capitalism.

  4. Do these electronic cigarettes really feel like the real thing? I watched a video at this website but don’t know what to think. Are there any real smokers out there that aren’t promoting a product that can tell me what you really think?

  5. 6 the man

    Hahaha it’s funny that you show a picture of Michael Vincent Patrick (4th pic down).. He’s a world famous music producer, and if he looks “uninterested” in that pic, it’s probably because he is tired from constantly working, traveling around the world, and fucking models (yes, female models).. Seems to be standard procedure for unoriginal blogs to write “hipster” posts in order to increase their views. Lame. Guess if you can’t think of something original, resort to homophobia and hipster bashing. Hahaha seriously it’s like you copied ‘look at this fucking hipster’ verbatim.

  6. 7 Sean

    I don’t know what’s more unoriginal; this stupid waste of words, or when people like Larry the Cable Guy try to be funny by rapping. If you are going to take a crack at the low hanging fruit of hipsterdom, at least know what the fuck you are talking about. Here are just a few of the reasons this pile of dump doesn’t work:

    1) First Pic: Is that the cast of Friends? Hipsters have never looked like that. Ever.
    2) While there are plenty of hipsters working as coffee jerks and folding t’s at Buffalo Exchange, there are just as many working at design firms, advertising agencies, and in event promotion. How do you think they afford shit like diesel jeans, Chanel sunglasses, Marc Jacobs handbags, and $180 worth of blow every night?
    3) You will find more people studying for the California bar exam at Ritual Coffee Roasters, than you will hipsters. Try the Atlas Cafe dipshit.
    4) Myspace? Only shitty emo bands with pages made entirely in Flash are on Myspace anymore.
    5) If you have ever set foot in a non-profit, you would know that the ratio of 400lb African American women to 80lb pasty hipsters is somewhere around 9999999999:1
    6) Stupid people taking pictures of themselves at wacky angles is certainly not the sole province of Hipsters going to Blow Up. Have you ever stepped into Blondies, Medjool, or the Skylark? YIKES! Don’t bump into Matsuflex while you’re backing up to get all your re-knob office buddies in the frame, he’ll drop you like a good habit.

    Next time find an actual hipster to write the hipster bashing article; they all love to slag one another, won’t admit to being hipsters, and will be able to get the details correct. Now run along and order a Mojito fucksack.

  7. 8 Gene

    I also forgot to add, “You don’t have a sense of humor. If you can’t laugh at yourself, what do you laugh at?”

    @Sean – you got me with the Friends pic. Well played, sir.

  8. 9 Sean

    I’ll be there for you…

  9. After watching this photos, I’m sure I’m not a hipster but I like Hipsters

  10. 11 John

    Simple minded jack off hipsters self hating worthless pieces of human shit.

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